Imagine this scenario:
A client shows up a full 15 minutes late to a massage therapy appointment. This isn’t the first time. In her head, the massage therapist desperately wants to tell the client that, because they are late, they are no longer entitled to a full hour session.
“After all,” she thinks to herself, “I drove to be here on time for you, got fully prepared, and still you show up late! You obviously do not respect my time, and you take our relationship for granted!”
What happens, though, is a familiar gambit. No different from, say, an abusive lover, the client apologises, demands the full hour, and the therapist gives in.
It’s a bit like an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other — a war of opposites, but in this case, it’s a war of opposite boundaries.
In most cases, there are but two kinds of boundaries:
- Soft boundaries
- Harsh boundaries
A “soft” boundary is where, no matter what, you typically “let it go.” This is because, among other things, we are “compassionate” and “kind” and have a tendency to offer more grace and understanding than most.
A “harsh” boundary is where we have firm rules. These rules are, in fact, so firm that no matter what the circumstance, they are enforced.
With the massage therapist above, what she really wanted to do was to enact and enforce a harsh boundary. For her, the tardiness was becoming inexcusable. Furthermore, it was costing her money, because she was devoting additional time and energy to this one client, for the same price, instead of serving someone else.
But, as the story illustrates, she pulled back and let it go.
Why on earth would someone do that? They did not honour her time, it made her mad, yet in the very moment she recognised it, her boundaries became even softer. Why is that?
In most cases, fear.
Fear of lack.
Fear of not being liked.
She may not may even be aware of these fears, and so will keep flipping between the angel and the devil without understanding why.
But it goes deeper than that. She could be aware of those fears, and still behave in the same way because she is not fully aware of the root of those fears.
So, in order to change the outcome with the habitually late client, she would not only have to recognise the fear, but to also recognise there is something from her deeper past which is causing her to set up and manage her boundaries in the very particular way she does.
I’m sure you can relate. This could be any kind of scenario, in anyone’s life. We all have a deep human need to have better boundaries.
And the answer is not to choose “soft” boundaries or “harsh” boundaries, but to create “healthy” boundaries — where we are never too hard or too soft, but instead create reasonable expectations in our agreements and to treat each situation as it’s own circumstance and moment in time.
In order to do this, though, we have to have full awareness of why we are doing the things we are doing. We all could use more stability, more control, and more money in our businesses, but are often sabotaging our abundance for reasons that, at first glance, seem out of our control.
Do you have a situation in your life like the massage therapist? If so, first look at yourself and what you are doing to keep yourself in that situation.
Then try these three things:
Let go of not being liked.
Let go of the fear of lack.
Stand in your power.
When you do these three, you automatically send a different energy into the universe. Afraid of creating healthy boundaries because your client might run away? So be it.
They will probably ditch you, but you know what? It’s okay, because you are showing up differently, and the universe knows it. By letting go of the need to pander to clients you already have, you provide an opportunity for those existing relationships to evolve, or fade away to make room for a shiny new object to enter your path.
As hard as it is to hear, it may not even be those clients who are the problem. A deeper investigation into the self, by way of the Akashic Records, might reveal that you are setting up your boundaries in a particular way because of a past trauma, either in this life or a previous one, and until you are fully aware of the roots involved, the drama will keep playing like a show that never ends.
There may be feelings, like recognition, value, love, significance, respect, and so on, that your soul wants, but you are unfairly placing the responsibility for their delivery on people around you — family, friends, and even clients. Then, when they are not giving “it” to you (whatever that thing is), it is their fault.
An Akashic Records clearing can help you with this. Once you recognise what is really happening deep down, you can create the love and alignment within you, so that you no longer need it outside of yourself. In other words, don’t put on other people what you can only give yourself.
Anytime you have a hard time setting up healthy boundaries, it is because there are a lot of bottled up emotions trapped in your energetic body. All your fears and memories of past experiences are literally clogging up your thoughts and your energetic body. This creates confusion and lack of trust in yourself and makes it hard for you to set up your boundaries in a way that honors you.
Most people, instead of expressing emotions, end up stuffing them inside, feelings of hurt, anger, confusion, and sadness. These unexpressed feelings accumulate in your energetic body until there is nowhere left for them to go. Then, this energy causes blockages, disease in the physical body, and prevents you from setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
I know how powerful it is to release these compounded energy blocks and how it will open you up to the life you desire. I am offering a series of energy clearings that will clear feelings or emotions, as well as the beliefs built by the stuck emotions held in your body. Let this go and you will not only be able to set healthy boundaries, but will also stop holding yourself back from taking powerful action and begin to manifest things in your life and business.
This is a group energy tune up and the investment is only: $234 for 3 months (12 group sessions).