Anytime you try to set up boundaries, it has a correlation with a need that was not fulfilled by your inner child.
What do I mean?
Here are a few scenarios and examples:
Soft Boundaries and your Inner Child
Let’s say you grew up feeling you were not loved. Therefore, consciously or unconsciously you will spend your whole life looking for love. You may think, “I need to be a good girl or a good boy, and in order to feel loved I must not say no.’” And then you end up giving, giving, giving, to the point of resentment because saying “no” is something very difficult for you to do.
Rigid Boundaries and your Inner Child
Let’s say you grew up seeing your mom or dad acting having difficulty saying “no,” and you see what this lack of boundaries did to them, or even to both of you. So, as a child you decide to make an agreement to never let someone get too close and to never let your guard down. You set harsh boundaries from that mindset—that you must protect yourself by creating those walls, and if you don’t you will suffer exactly as those you grew up with suffered.
WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS, THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE.
In both examples, the reason those boundaries are established is that they are ego-based reactions. Because of a hurtful experience, the ego protects you by setting up these boundaries. In the end, it backfires.
SO WHAT TO DO THEN?
Step 1- Let go of holding on tightly to the pain.
Anytime the ego is involved, there is a need to protect yourself. Your inner child did not feel protected and was hurt, so the ego created agreements and boundaries to make the child feel safe. If you let go of the sadness inside of you, you will act and react out of neutrality and not pain. And the ego won’t get involved.
Step 2 – Give yourself what you need.
If your inner child feels heard, safe and protected, it will not react to situations out of lack, therefore it won’t have the need to set up those harsh or soft boundaries. You don’t need others to love you in order to feel loved. If you do not love yourself, it will make very hard for others to do so.
In the Akashic Records Personal Level, there is a whole week dedicated to the inner child. We access your inner child from your Akashic Records and give it space to ask for what is needed in order to feel safe.
Step 3 – Act out of loving neutrality.
Once you let go of the fear and give yourself what you need, then you’ll be in a better place to see and understand that other people have their own thing going on too—their own filters and perspectives through which they see and live. They too are often acting or reacting based on their own experience. With that in mind, make your actions, responses and decisions from a neutral, loving place.
As you see more clearly where others are coming from, this neutrality becomes easier. As you face the world and those around you, no matter what they bring your way, with loving neutrality, you are helping bring clarity and healing to all concerned, including yourself. No boundaries will be necessary.
If you enjoyed this blog you may also like to read Healing your Childhood Wounds to Love Yourself Unconditionally.
I would love to hear, if you identified with the correlation between boundaries and your inner child… what ways do you like to give your inner child what it needs, or what rituals or systems do you have in place to give to your inner child what it needs?